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Dan Fogelbert steps up to the podium.
"Scott. What can I say? I tried to do my job at the music store, I really did. But Scott kept on living. Or something. I just wanted my paycheck and...gimme a sandwhich! Anyway, I just wanted my paycheck and one day Josh shoved it up his buttcrack! Like a credit card! And he got a papercut so he bled all over it. I lost three hundred dollars that day and my girlfriend dumped me because I couldn't take her to Les Fledermaus."
"Damn, beyotch!" shouts some gangster cliche nobody ever head of from the third row. "If yo girl is so shallow, you better off without her!"
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Dan agrees.
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Dan wildly fires several cement-packed mailboxes into the air.
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Several Veliciraptors appear to give a euology in the only way they know how; interpretative dance.
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"I'm not dead!" screams Scott.
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As expected, the gangster cliche nobody ever heard of steps up to give a speech.
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Ricardo Montalban starts punching the living bejeebers out of everyone.
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Some other obscure character gives an eulogy.
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Grand Moff Grand Moff uses stun fire to make his way to the podium. "I'll always remember the way Scott enjoyed my anti-gravity..." he begins and goes on for some time.
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Dan goes back to his music store job; the story follows him. Much normalcy happens.
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