Absolutely Bill's Mood

As Josh opens a briefcase that he just happened to bring to the memorial service, the look on Bruce's face conveys both annoyance and distress. For as long as he's known Scott, he's claimed to be his first male lover.

"Are you that desperate to have everyone paying attention to you, Burbank?" Bruce finally asks. "This is my time to speak and give my thoughts about my former boyfriend. No one wants to hear about your stupid theories and conspiracies like there's some giant plot linking everyone here together!"

Josh shakes his head as he finishes sorting the incriminating documents from the briefcase, which he carries to the podium. "That's enough, Bruce," he says. "I can prove you are wrong about Scott, and it never took a genius to figure that out."
"I was Scott Chen's lover, Josh!" argues Bruce. "That is the truth! What the hell are you trying to prove-"
"Look at Scott's face, Bruce," Josh says, pointing towards the open casket. "Does he look Asian to you?"
"But I really was his lover in the past!"
"We'll get to that in a minute! But for the past several years, you've spread rumors about how you were his boyfriend in the past, even though those close to him knew about what Scott was doing every single night with a different woman in a different city! There's thousands of women out there that can attest that Scott was 100 percent heterosexual, even if he never called any of them back like he said he would."

At that moment, several women in attendance stand up, and start gesturing that they want to speak. Josh quickly interupts them. "Not yet, ladies. As soon as we're done here, you all can have your say."

Bruce rolls his eyes. "Attest nothing! I was Scott Chen's lover at one point!"
"You did know that Scott's real last name was never 'Chen', it was 'Childers', didn't you Bruce?" retorts Josh. "I mean, look at the guy, he's clearly caucasian, isn't he? Sure, he may have run into you in the past, but at the very most, you guys were simply casual acquaintances. You would recognize each other in the street, you might stop to say hello, and to bullshit for a few minutes, but you and Scott were never once intimate!"

Bruce looks almost helpless.

"Now!" continues Josh, "I need to inform everyone here that Bruce wasn't completely dishonest when he claimed he was somehow romantically linked with Scott Chen. Bruce here just expected everyone and their mother who knew him to naturally assume that when he was talking about a Scott Chen, he meant Scott Alan Childers, the man in the casket. The trouble is, Bruce was talking about an entirely different person!"
"Josh, please! Don't do this!" pleads Bruce.
"You've got a lot of nerve asking me that, Bruce. Now, I'm sure that you remember Raymond Chen's appearance here earlier [NEQ 71271]. I did some research over the years, and I would find out that Scott and Raymond were friends for years, until Ray moved with his family to California during high school. The only connection they had after Ray's family moved away was Scott adopting part of his old friend's name following some personal problems following a riot at a high school basketball game [NEQ 72666]. Let's just say that Scott's mental stability wasn't the greatest following the riot, and it led him to take up residence in the staircase room. I digress, though. Still, there was one thing that Scott never knew about his old friend Raymond Chen, and I unearthed that information before Scott died. I do regret never getting to tell him this, though."

Josh looks at Bruce, who is sweating bullets. "You ready?" he asks.
"I'm pleading with you, Josh! Don't do this!"
"I don't know how Scott A. Childers never found out that one of his childhood best friends had a twin brother. Ray had an identical twin that somehow, due to reasons forever lost to history, Scott never even knew about, let alone met! His name was Scott. Yes Virginia, there really is a Scott Chen! Scott Michael Chen, actually, the twin brother of Raymond Gregory Chen, an old friend of the late Scott Childers. Ray's twin brother Scott was the guy that Bruce claimed to be his lover! Actually, they're still together, but Bruce really couldn't give a damn about Scott Chen, or how he feels about Bruce. You see, Scott's been deeply in love with Bruce from the day they met, and they did have a somewhat conventional relationship for a while, too!"
"Josh, just stop right there! They don't need to know any more about this! They didn't even need to know-"
"Hush, Bruce, we're not done here. You see, while Scott Michael Chen is still deeply in love with Bruce here, and has felt the same way for many, many years, Bruce has treated Scott as nothing more than a handy sex slave whenever he's been unsuccessful in either finding a new man for a long term relationship, or even just trying to find some stud for a hot one- night stand somewhere. Poor Scott is so infatuated with Bruce that he probably has no idea what's really going on. And that, my friends, is simply reprehensible!"
"Josh, please! Enough!" pleads Bruce.

Suddenly, another man of Asian descent starts to make his way up the aisle to the podium. He has a somewhat bewildered look on his face, and he dabs at his eyes with a tissue.

"Hey Scott," says Josh. "You made it here!"

1. Bruce runs off, humiliated.
2. Bruce sucker punches Josh.
3. Scott M. Chen takes the mic and begins telling everyone his life story.
4. Suddenly, the dead Scott comes back to life.

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