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Bruce, the mysterious Asian man, takes the podium and heaves it into the woods. There is a brief scream, a meaty thunk, then nothing. Having clipped a secondary microphone to his shirt, Bruce talks about Scott, their relationship (it was Scott's first gay one) and the adventures they had in the Staircase Room (Bruce was stalked by a lovesick Zebroid, Scott once -became- the window).
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Bruce is ejected and Thomas the Wolf-Morph, Scott's long-time ally in the fight against crime, takes the stage.
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Josh lets out the loudest, wettest, stinkiest fart in the history of the past two years.
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Suddenly, and without warning, Jasper turns inside out.
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Astra and the Invisible Woman make out. Since she's invisible everyone thinks Astra is crazy.
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Meera the Lion-ness morph, takes the stage and describes the adventure she and Scott had saving Bill Gates from outer-space slavers.
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Josh has proof Bruce and Scott never even kissed.
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Scott emerges from the coffin, does a brief erotic dance, then explodes.
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Reaibn and Seeker are both scheduled to give their speeches at the exact same time. Oh no.
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Scott's alternate future evil twin's clone, Poopface, appears.
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Someone fires a chainsaw-gun at Scott's coffin.
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