A Man and His Dog

Horsehockey V - Episode 10

So, a man and his dog are on a smaller fishing boat somewhere way out at sea. Way too far out to see any land. Hard times had fallen on this man; lost his job, wife left him for a hot shot banker that took his home. With what was left of his money, he decided to spend on traveling the world and taking it easy with the only friend he has in the world. In the late afternoon, the man notices a storm approaching and tries to head back for land before he gets himself into a tight spot. The storm hits, and what a storm it was, my friends. His ship gets tossed around and beat up, and suddenly, a flash and a crack blinds the man and he falls unconscious.

Much later, the man starts to come back to his senses. To his surprise, he finds himself on a warm and lush but smaller island. Thick brush, plants everywhere and after a little exploring around the beach, he concludes that he is stranded. At first, he's very frightened. Though, the song of birds settles him some. Then, he hears a familiar heavy breathing and the pattering of feet galloping on sand... HIS DOG!

The man slumps to his knees in tears and holds his old friend close. In the dog’s mouth are two rabbits that he laid before his owner. The man is overwhelmed with happiness, he can hardly contain himself. He looks at his dog and says: "Well boy, I guess we should get these two rabbits cooked up for dinner. Though, I have no matches or tools or anything but the clothes on my back."

Just like that, the dog went running off to another side of the beach and brings back the little survival kit that the man had put together and kept on the boat. Inside it was waterproof matches, a small pocket knife, water purifying tablets, an emergency blanket, a flare gun, a small tin of cigars in a waterproof box, and some miscellaneous first aid stuff. The man’s jaw dropped open at his newfound treasure. The man owes this dog his life, for all he’s done. He gets the fire going and sets up a little camp in a small cave on the beach that was empty. They both get their own roasted rabbit to fill their starving bellies and fall asleep on each other under the blanket from the kit.

The next morning, the man awakes and to his surprise, the dog was nowhere to be found. The man figured that he couldn’t have gone far and that they were all alone, so he assumes the dog is probably safe. He decides to thoroughly explore the island if he’s going to be stuck here. Nobody knew where he was before he got lost. He made his way around the long beach, and on the other side of the island from his camp, he heard barking deep in the bush. He climbed and stumbled through the vines and trees, thinking that his dog was in danger. What he found was his dog barking at a small heard of sheep!

“I guess I won’t go hungry,” he thought to himself. He collected his dog and returned to camp to rest and drink water. The dog ran off and brought back more rabbits to eat.

“I guess I don’t even need to work that hard out here, we must have died and gone to heaven. This place is paradise,” the man said to his friend after their meal.

A week goes by. The dog brings more rabbits, birds, and small game three times a day; the man had jury rigged himself a fishing pole, and had even landed a few. The man had come to enjoy his new life with his dog. Rest, quiet, peace of mind, financial freedom, good company, and a cigar to puff on all gave the man a content heart.

However, like the bane of all men, he started to get that itch...

The itch a dog couldn’t scratch. He had been here for some time now, and his hand was growing dull. He craved the company of a woman, a REAL woman. The man sighed and looked at his dog…

All of a sudden, an idea! He got a vine, tied his dog to a tree next to their camp, and set out to find himself a sheep.

He found the flock grazing inland a little while after setting out. He stood there watching, trying to pick out the one. Suddenly, the man spots one he wants a closer look at. He approaches carefully and slowly so as not to frighten them away. He gets close enough to extend his hand and touch her head. She had blue eyes, a solid figure for a sheep and her hips drove the man and his aching loins up the wall! She turns around and pretty much just sticks it out there for him.

“She must be lonely too,” he thought, trying to find a way to mentally justify what he was about to do. He had never lain with anything else but a woman, so the anticipation got him as hard as stone. He got behind her, unzipped, grabbed her hips and aimed his throbbing member square and true. He could feel the heat radiating...

...and then, his dog comes running into the flock barking like a bat out of hell. The man’s sheep goes bouncing off into the bush. “Whew, thanks boy! I was about to do something very stupid, what the hell was I thinking?!” he said to his friend. It was growing dark so they returned to their camp for the evening. The next morning, the dog had a couple of plump birds and a few turtle eggs The man cooked them up, not remembering much from the night before. He returned to the easy living lifestyle he’d grown so fond of.

A few days passed but like clockwork, the itch had returned with a vengeance. The man thought of going to strip clubs, hitting the bar scene and picking up a one night stand. The pressure was growing to be too much for him to hold down any longer. He began to remember that sheep now, the blue eyed one with the hips. Blood rushed to his nether regions and he tied his dog up with two vines, really secure this time. One wrapped tight around the dogs chest and the other like a collar. He tested his knots and the strength of the vines and concluded that there was no way for the dog to slip away this time.

He ventured out into the wild again, in search of the object of his desire. After searching the afternoon away, fantasizing about working that sheep over, evening was falling and he didn’t understand how the sheep had just vanished. He gave up and started back to camp. On his way back, he stumbled onto the flock. Loins on fire now, the man casually strolled around until he found HER again.

She recognized him and turned around. He approached, slapped her ass and dropped his trousers. He was instantly at full attention, and she backed right up close to it. He grabbed her hips, pushed the tip to touch, and his dog came galloping down the hill at full steam with a chip on his shoulder. The flock and his dream sheep went flying into the bush again. There went his chance at getting his rocks off, just bouncing away into the thick unforgiving wilderness.

The man carried the dog back to camp this time, and he was furious. The man needed to get his jollies off bad now. It had been weeks and he was all out of cigars to calm him down. Eventually he collected himself and made peace with his dog, concluding that it was just going to be a bad idea anyway.

A few more days of relaxing on this perfect island with all its bounties, and guess what was rushing through the man’s veins again?

That’s right: THE ITCH.

It was worse than he’d ever had before.

“That blue-eyed sheep wanted it as bad as I did last time; I need to find her again…I must have her!”

He stood up and grabbed the dog. The dog started to bark because he knew this game now. They wrestled around; the man trying desperately to get the upper hand, but the dog was so strong. Eventually they both became tired and the man felt so helpless and blue balled. He just sat on the beach with his loyal friend who’d already forgiven his owners pathetic actions by his side.

Then the dog started barking out towards the sea, which he’d do if a shark let its fin break the water’s surface. The dog swiftly ran out into the sea, and the man, fearing that dog was going to be eaten by the shark, followed. After all, this dog is his only friend in the world, and saved him countless times from hunger; he may have even dragged him to shore for all he knows. The man saw something flail around when the dog reached its destination in the sea...

The dog then turned around and swam back to shore. The man caught up to his dog, and much to his surprise, the dog had a person by the hair and was bringing it back to shore.

The man helped pull what turned out to be the most gorgeous woman he’d ever seen onto the beach. He listened and didn’t hear her breathing; she looked alright so he gave her massive chest some quick compressions to clear her lungs. He bent down to give her mouth to mouth, and she rolled over and spit up all the water she’d swallowed. Just then he noticed: her curves, her luscious blond hair, soft skin, and those stunning blue eyes, deep and as breathtaking as the sea.

She turns to him and says: “You have saved my life, I will do anything you want in return,” as she playfully bites her lips and looks deep into the man’s eyes.

He felt his loins BURN with desire. He wanted to bury his sword to the hilt, and explode with passion. His face grew hot, and the woman became very aware of the man’s predicament. She reached over and grabbed his bulge with a huge smile on her face.

“Anything?” the man asked.
ANYTHING and EVERYTHING,” the beautiful woman replied without any hint of being discreet.
He leaned in and looked into her eyes and said...

“Hold this fucking dog.”

Source: Reddit user u/2times

  1. The world explodes with raucous laughter.
  2. This story is met with colossal indifference.
  3. Someone appears to hold that fucking dog and to talk some sense into the man. Within minutes, he makes love to the woman.
  4. Back to start.

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Ben McClellan

11/20/2019 2:32:58 AM

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