Biill Murray: Man of the Hour

"So? Room service is free. Just order something. I recommend the Lobster Thermidore," says Jasper, nibbling on a plate of the aforementioned dish. "It's the best I've ever had. Too bad that more kidnappers and hostile invading military forces don't put this much effort into their food."

Sarah wrinkles her nose. "How can you stand to eat with that...that smell? Or haven't you noticed that Scott and Josh's corpses are beginning to get a little ripe?" She'd put them in a corner in a rather untidy pile, sprayed them with rosewater and put a doily on them, but even the addition of the crystal vase hadn't done anything to improve it, and the unpleasant, cheesey aroma is beginning to permeate everything.

"I don't know--I guess it's like the zoo. You sort of get used to the smell after a while. Sure you won't try the lobster?" he says, holding a spoonful of it out to her. "It's really good."

An idea comes to her. "Wait--do you still have that number?"

"Who? You mean Bill Murray's number?" Jasper fumbles around in a pocket of his lush bathrobe. "Right here." His hand emerges holding a slip of paper, which Sarah snatches.

"Now let's find out why Josh calls this guy every time he's in a tight," says Sarah, dialing an outside line.

1. Bill Murray listens carefully, and gives her advice to escape.
2. Bill Murray arrives minutes later in head-to-crotch kevlar body armor, carrying enough firepower to level a small city. A full rescue team is in tow.
3. Bill Murray laughs wildly.
4. Bill Murray is dead.
5. Bill Murray is tripping hard.
6. "I told you people to stop calling me!" With that, Bill Murray commits Hari-Kiri.
7. She finds out the real reason Josh called Bill Murray every time. It was less impressive than she could have possibly imagined.
8. A commercial on the importance of prompt burial of the dead follows, with Morgan Freeman as host.

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