And with that, Josh Burbank farts, burbles, slumps to the ground and dies. The gathered crowd stares incredulously. "Is he dead?" asks Sarah Hewitt. "Naw. He's pinin' for the fjords," says one of the funeral goers. "He's never been to Norway in his life," Jasper replies. "Unless you count that time he crossed the Atlantic while naked and stowing away in the hold of a tuna boat. But he was deported as soon as he arrived, so I'm not sure it counts." He sighed heavily. "No, our good friend Josh is not pining, he's passed on. Josh is no more--he has ceased to be! He's expired and gone on to meet his maker! He's a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in peace!" He stops for a moment. "No, no, put his body down, boys--nailing him to the chair won't fix things," he admonished the two who were trying to do just that. "He's pushing up daisies! His metabolic processes are now history! He's off the map! He's kicked the bucket and shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!" He gestured dramatically. "This...is an EX-JOSH!" Sarah stared at him. "You're quoting Monty--" "Shut up. Well, he's dead. Scott's dead. Might as well make it a two forone, get our money's worth." "Reverend," he called to the minister. "You're rented for the day--inasmuch as you're already here for one stiff, why not make it a double?"
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6/6/2019 11:49:59 PM
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